IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE...
So much of who and what we are is the result of our life experiences beginning with early childhood. As children, we tend to think that all families function similarly to our own. We accept as normal the behaviors modeled for us by our parents. We learn by emulating the ways in which our parents react to a variety of situations.
For children living with family violence, this is a two-fold tragedy. First, they learn that living in fear is just the way life is. Secondly, they learn that violence is an acceptable response to anger and frustration. Far too many children repeat the lessons learned in their early years later in life. Women whose mothers were victims of abuse are at high risk of perpetuating that role. Conversely, men whose fathers were abusers overwhelmingly tend to emulate those behaviors in their own relationships.
The "cycle of violence" is vicious. It entraps families for generations. Without outside intervention, the cycle is virtually impossible to break. People live their lives going from Phase One—unbearable tension—to Phase Two—eruption of the violence—and then to Phase Three—remorse and, ultimately, to forgiveness. During the remorse stage of the cycle, all the good things in the relationship happen. Trips and gifts, family time, promise to change, and loving behaviors by the batterer all occur during this phase. the abuser rekindles in his victim a hope that the violence will not happen again. Once that is accomplished, the cycle begins again. And so it goes, frequently for a lifetime.
It is a sad fact that women die every day at the hands of a husband or an intimate partner. Every seven seconds a woman in the US is beaten. In homes where the mother is the primary victim, over 70 percent of the children are also abused. These children take what they learn at home onto our streets and into our schools. They carry these learned behaviors into their teen years and well beyond.
If we are ever to end the "cycle of violence" we must begin with our children. When they are very young we must teach them to respect one another and to understand that no matter what the situation, violence is never an option. Children need to learn that violent behavior has consequences for them just as it does for adults. Adolescents and teens must be taught acceptable responses to relationship frustrations. Teens need to be able to recognize the early warning signs of abusive relationships and become empowered to leave them. And most important, parents must be positive role models for their children.
Their lives may depend upon it.
Lynn Moriarty, Executive Director
Shelter From The Storm is a 501 (c) (3) non-profit corporation. Contributions are tax-deductible as allowed by law.
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